Recently a colleague sent me a link to a short piece on Seth Godin’s blog called “Coachable.” In it Seth defines coaching as insights or advice from others, and suggests that those who are coachable (ie. those who can take direction) will be more successful than those who cannot.
To illustrate his point he cites the way the Bolshoi Ballet selects its dancers. It is not necessarily the most talented young girls who are chosen. Rather, it is the ones who are most receptive to direction – the most coachable – who are brought on board, with the understanding that abilities can be easily developed in individuals who take instruction well. As a former ballerina, I can tell you that what they are really looking for is body structure. Dance companies will often meet with a child’s parents to first ensure the child will grow to have a dancer’s physique … then the rest can be taught. This, however is beside the point.
My real concern with Seth’s blog entry is this:
Coaching is not giving advice or direction! Nor is being “coachable” about being open to receiving advice or direction.
Although I recognize the point Seth is trying to make – the importance of being open to another’s point of view – the manner in which he communicates it highlights one of the most pervasive misconceptions about coaching. Seth claims that the symptoms of uncoachability are:
- Challenging the credentials of the coach
- Announcing that you’re being unfairly singled out
- Pointing out, angrily, that the last few times, the coach was wrong
- Identifying others who have succeeded without ever being coached
- Resisting a path merely because it was one identified by a coach
I disagree! These are merely the results of the classic mistakes made by inexperienced, unskilled coaches who position themselves as the one with answers and then try to direct another. Coaching is not about giving direction or advice; it is a process whereby we, the coach, challenge another to find his or her own best answers. Through this process, others are forced to think for themselves. It is a process that develops leaders.
Consider this: Do you need others to tell you what to do (or appreciate it when they do)? Not likely. But this is most often what we want to do and call coaching. Sometimes we will hide our advice in questions like, “Have you thought about …? Why don’t you … ? When I did it, I …” but the underlying assumption is the same: I know what you should do and will enlighten you. Pretty arrogant! Viewed in this light, it is no wonder others resist us and become defensive.
So, what is coaching then, if not giving advice, direction or telling stories about how we did it (and therefore, how others should do it)?
Well, let me model it for you: You have probably been influenced by several people throughout your career. Think of one person who had a significant and positive impact on you becoming the person and professional you are today.
- Who was this person and what was the nature of the relationship he or she created with you?
- How did you feel about yourself in this person’s presence?
- What did this person say or do that had a significant impact upon you?
Now, simply practice being that kind of person more frequently in the lives of others.
To learn more, please visit www.unleashedthecoachingbook.com.
