Leadership 425: Self-Trust

I am always a little offended when I read an article entitled something or other 101 – as if the concept presented is so basic I should have already mastered it. So, although the concept of self-trust is a leadership fundamental, I believe its application actually operates at an advanced level – at a 400-course level, if you will.  

What exactly do I mean by self-trust? Simply this: how frequently you act upon what it is you know. To gauge how much you actually trust yourself, consider the following:

• In meetings and group conversations, how often do you say to yourself, “That’s exactly what I was thinking, why didn’t I say it?”
• After completion of a project, do you frequently want to kick yourself because you failed to do something you knew you needed to do (and now not doing it has come back to bite you)?
• Is there someone you already know you need to fire (or move to another part of the organization), but you have yet to take the necessary actions?
• What is the challenging conversation you know you need to have? How long do you suspect you will wait before actually having it?

 Questions such as these can raise your awareness of how much you trust yourself; the extent to which you believe in the value of your own thoughts and feelings.   

Let’s consider another scenario: When you first meet someone, which do you tend to focus on more: how you are being perceived, or what you think of them? Give this some honest consideration. This one difference can either put you at a serious advantage or serious disadvantage in business.  

I once heard a famous actress state that before the age of forty she would walk into a room and ask herself, “I wonder what these people think of me.” From forty onwards, she said her question became, “What do I think of these people?” This one simple shift is fundamental. For this actress, it meant that she was no longer up for judgment, at least not by anyone other than herself. Upon reaching forty, she decided to give more credit to the thoughts, feelings and opinions she had.

By validating her own experience in this way, she was now able to truly focus on others and begin asking herself more useful and important questions. The kind of questions leaders need to be asking themselves: What do I think about this person? Do I respect how he conducts himself? What value do I believe this person can contribute to our business? What can I learn from this person? What can I teach? 

The idea of self-trust is a simple concept. Of course we should trust ourselves, many of us are highly educated professionals, holding senior leadership positions. However, as an executive in one of my sessions recently exclaimed, “Doing this is harder than it sounds!” Yes, it is. Putting into practice all we already know is harder than knowing it, but that’s the real work.  

Do This:

Bring awareness to what it is you think and feel. Then, find three times today to practice acting upon that knowledge. This may be sharing your real thoughts in a conversation or meeting, or disciplining yourself to complete that task you know needs doing. By taking action, you will realize that you can, and in fact need to, trust yourself more.

 “To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson