An Appreciative Incident … That Changed My Life.

The single greatest catalyst to my professional development was an unassuming man who first approached me as a peer.

I met this gentleman at a networking event, and I immediately noticed how he engaged with others through his genuine interest in them. As people informally mingled, it was as if he was learning the most profound lessons by listening to others speak.

When he and I finally introduced ourselves, he offered me his full attention. We spoke about topics relevant to our profession, and it felt as though what I had to say was of profound significance. I could not put my finger on it, but in this man’s presence, I felt intelligent, important, and talented. The conversation ended with him adding, “You have a lot to offer this profession. Please let me know if I can be helpful to you in any way.”

Later, I was surprised to discover that he was the featured speaker that evening, and moreover, a well-established and respected businessman who led a highly successful organization. As our first conversation had been so enjoyable (and he seemed genuinely interested in how he could help me – a young person struggling to get established), I asked him if we could arrange to meet, citing that I could really benefit from his advice. He happily agreed, and we set a date and time immediately. I was elated!

At our first meeting, this man spent most of the time listening, and by the end I realized what I needed to do next. With some simple questions – and a great deal of attentive (and awkward) silence – I was able to hear myself say things I did not know I already knew, thoughts I had failed to trust until I had expressed them aloud.

He offered me resources and also took note of some I was able to offer to him. I felt a great friendship emerging, although it was clear to me that this was not a friendship. I felt he was going to require more of me as a professional than I was currently requiring of myself, and I liked that feeling! Finally, I thought, someone who won’t let me off the hook. Of course, I also felt slightly afraid of him because I desperately wanted him to think I was a competent and serious player in our profession.

At first, I chose my questions carefully, but he saw through it all, “How is business really? Are you making a living?” The truth is I was struggling and afraid to admit my incompetence in running a profitable business. He forced me to address what was real; but he was able to do so in a way that I never felt judged. In fact, it felt as though he saw my performance as separate from who I was, and who I was capable of becoming.

At the end of our first meeting, he ended with the greatest words I have ever heard: “You are incredibly talented, you really get ‘it’. You might not be able to fully appreciate my words right now, but one day you will look back and be able to see how wise and extremely talented you are. I cannot stand by and watch you not realize your full potential.”

Both stunned and excited, I thought, What if he is right? What if I am really talented? And, if I really believed I was, what would I do next? What if my current self identity is no longer accurate? What if there is an entirely different future for me?

Following our meeting, I excitedly began to create a development and business plan, based on the small chance that he was right in his assessment of my potential. The next day, and every day since, I return to those words and think about what I would do next if I knew them to be true. These simple thoughts have me flying out of bed each morning, eager to continue to live up to an idea of who I might be that he so eloquently planted in my psyche.

Over the last five years that I have known this man, he has never once answered my questions directly. He forces me to draw my own conclusions and challenges me at every turn. I have had to hear some difficult things about myself and my performance, but because I believe he cares about me and my personal and professional success, I have promised myself to prove him right.

To date, I have done work that I would have never believed possible this early in my career, and I am now starting to truly trust and believe in my own wisdom and value as a professional. That is the power of an appreciative prediction – a few simple, genuinely expressed words about who I was and could become – and I did everything I could to prove them true.

It is so rare that we hear good things about who we are and, even more importantly, what we can achieve and become.

Can you remember a few appreciative words that someone else said to you, perhaps even in passing, that had a profound impact? Perhaps they forever changed how you saw yourself or what you thought was possible.

Think back to those times when you have heard kind, appreciative words.

• Why did they have such a profound impact upon you?
• Notice also how long ago you heard such words.
• When was the last time you voiced the same to others?

Who do you work with now that you believe has untapped potential and could become so much more than they are currently demonstrating? Why do you believe this, what evidence do you have to support your belief?

Take time to tell that person today.

In fact, tell five people how talented you think they are and what you believe is possible for them in the future.

If you want to excel in organizations today, it is so very easy to stand out. Notice all the great work people are doing; acknowledge their investment, sacrifices and struggles; and voice your genuine, appreciative predictions about what is possible for them. Perhaps you will never know the full impact of your expressed belief in another; however, I suspect it won’t be long until you see the impact.

What I know to be true is that every professional I coach is working very hard to do exceptional work and achieve results in some incredibly competitive and challenging times.

This article is to acknowledge all of you who invest your attention, energy and knowledge to help others become successful – keep up the great work!