Gravity exists whether we believe in it or not, as does the Law of Attraction, which the movie The Secret has popularized.
Now, I recognize there is a great deal of debate about the movie, and perhaps even more criticism regarding how the movie communicated the law, however, what cannot be debated is the evidence for the law’s existence.
Like gravity, the Law of Attraction does not need you to believe in it in order to operate. And, I have to say, I am extremely doubtful there is a single successful person who does not realize that what they put out they will get back (otherwise know as the Law of Attraction). Approach people with mistrust, and you will be mistrusted. Approach others with disrespect, and will be disrespected. Thankfully, the opposite is also true.
This is not rocket science and, it should not be a secret.
What I believe is not well understood is at what fundamental level this law operates: the thoughts we think matter! People know what we really think of them – just as we know what others truly think of us. We can feel it. We know when others think well of us – and we know it when they do not. Consider the vast implications of this.
“We can sense how others are feeling towards us. Given a little time, we can always tell when we’re being coped with, manipulated, beneath veneers of niceness. And we typically resent it.” Leadership and Self Deception by The Arbinger Institute.
When you approach others with thoughts of what you can get from them, they know it and will typically resent you for it. They will resist you, avoid you and find ways to not work with you.
Equally, when you think well of others and genuinely care about them and their success, they also know this. They will respond by liking you, trusting you, and whenever possible, seek out ways in which they can work with you.
Ah, the beauty of the human element in business!
People will always find a way to do what it is they most want to do with those they most want to do it.
“Generally speaking, a little extra likeability goes a longer way than a little extra competence in making someone desirable to work with.”
– Tizana Casciaro and Miguel Sousa Lobo
The many books, speakers and seminars on sales success that I have read, listened to and attended all try to capture the essence of effective selling. Most break it down to the mechanics of building rapport, listening, addressing benefits vs. features, offering value-add, staying top-of-mind, providing an experience, engaging in timely follow-up and the like. All important things to do, but these things are only the mechanics of a process once it is broken down. Without the genuine good thoughts behind the process (which I believe all truly effective business development people possess), the approach becomes manipulative (and often fails):
- How can I show you I am listening so that you will buy from me?
- How can I act like I care, so you will trust me?
My key point is this: we cannot fake our true intentions. We either genuinely think well of our colleagues and clients and truly care about their success, or we do not. Either way, they know what we think and will respond accordingly.
So, there you have it, that’s the big secret.
Questions to consider. Actions to take.
- Are you in the business of sales or in the business of service? Your answer is critical to your success.
- What would you do this week if your only goal was to make the people with whom you work more successful? Do those things and notice the results.
Recommended reads:
- The Trusted Advisor: An invaluable road map to all those who seek to develop truly special relationships with their clients – David H. Maister, Charles H. Green & Robert M. Galford
- Let’s Get Real or Let’s Not Play: The demise of 20th century selling and the advent of helping clients succeed. – Mahan Khalsa
- Unleashed! Expecting Greatness and Other Secrets to Coaching for Exceptional Performance – Gregg Thompson with Susanne Biro (Based upon the program Sales Leader as Coach)
Reference:
Casciaro, T. & Sousa Lobo, M. (June 2005). Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools, and the Formation of Social Networks. Harvard Business Review.
